


What A Wonderful World

by polishpromdress



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-15 07:46:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3439265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polishpromdress/pseuds/polishpromdress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's June of 1983 when graduation arrives. Dean and Cas meet up at an old campsite in West Virginia, thinking they would never see each other again after someone's life is saved, and is another changed forever. But five years later when Cas picks up an unlikely hitchhiker, things begin to fall down around them, realizing they only have each other in this Wonderful World.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Far From the Water

_"True love doesn't happen right away; it's an ever-growing process. It develops after you've gone through many ups and downs, when you've suffered together, cried together, laughed together."_

-Ricardo Montalban

 

June, 1983

 

Dean cranked the radio up and rolled down his window, resting his arm on the boiling black frame of the Impala.  
"How much longer? It feels like we have been driving for _years_." Lisa said with a pout from the passenger's side.  
Dean chuckled, letting the sun pour through the windshield onto his skin.  
"How much longer are you going to be asking me that?" he said to her with a wink, leaning over to kiss her.  
"Hey, hey eyes on the road, you idiots." grumbled Jo from the backseat.  
Dean smiled to himself, grabbing Lisa'a hand and holding it over the center console. The drive to the campground was anything but short, but he knew it was worth it.  
"How long have you been coming to this place again?" Asked Garth mid-chew through a granola bar.  
Dean thought for a moment then answered confidently  
"10 years. Kind of a..family tradition or whatever."  
"Oh yeah, where's Sammy?" Andy barked out suddenly.  
Dean almost cringed, remembering how mad his brother had gotten when he told him he wasn't coming.  
"Guys, he's in the middle school. We wouldn't be able to do anything fun with him lurking around. "  
"What kind of fun are you trying to have, Dean Winchester?"Countered Lisa with a smirk. Dean tickled her side, continuing.  
"Besides, my dad doesn't even know I'm gone, and someone's gotta cover for me." He answered, furrowing his brow.  
"I bet he was _piiiiiiseed_." Lisa said.  
"Oh c'mon. We only graduate once. We finally got out of that hell hole those asshole teachers call a school. This is our peak, our prime,our most carefree and best year! We will never be as young as we are right now, and fuck, if that's not motivational enough for you losers to jump into a cold pond and eat some smores, then I don't know what is".  
Lisa rolled her eyes and stifled a laugh, looking out her window.  
Dean spotted the sign for the campground in the distance.  
"If you idiots don't get excited i'll dump you right out of this car on your asses, and you can walk to the camp." He said as he heard a few laughs from the back seat.  
"But, that might not be so bad.. Considering we are here!" He said, yelling the last part. The whole car cheered as Dean turned up the radio even higher, driving too fast to read the speed signs, wishing he could stay 18 forever.

*

"I can't believe you talked me into this silly trip…" Castiel said shaking his head.  
"Oh, Cas always such a Debbie-Downer, aren't we?" Tessa said, reaching over and squeezing his cheeks. Cas grabbed her hand and kissed the top of it before putting his back on the cold steering wheel.  
"Jesus, Tess, what is the AC set on? Antarctica?" he said with a shiver, turning the AC off completely.  
"Cas, it's boiling out there." She answered putting her hand on the window to feel the heat.  
"I think it's a nice day. Besides, once we get to the campground we will be in complete tree cover, so.."  
Cas reached for the button that put the car top down, changing it into a convertible.  
"Cas are you nuts! You can't do that while you're driving." Tessa said with wide eyes.  
Castiel smiled widely as the air hit him in all directions, his open mouth instantly becoming dry.  
"Looks like you're stuck with a maniac for a boyfriend!" Cas yelled at the top of his lungs, the blue sky enveloping him in complete happiness and awe.  
Tessa pressed 'play' on the CD changer as they shrieked together, their voices barely breaking into the fast moving air.  
"Ohhhhh you're in trouble now!" Cas yelled as Sweet Home Alabama began to boom through the speakers.  
"Nooo! A maniac _and_ Lynrd Skynyrd? What am I gonna do!" Tessa said, covering her smile with two hands.  
Cas serenaded the whole road as loud as his voice could go, honking the horn when he saw the sign for the camp ground.


	2. Insomnia

_"I influence anybody who is able to get through the chaos of my first impression."_  
-Gary Vaynerchuk

Dean tapped the steering wheel impatiently, waiting on the ranger in the stop-shack to give them the keys to their cabin. Lisa placed a hand on the side of his face, rubbing his stubble as he melted into her touch.  
"Okay, Joan Jett, Princess Leia, or Cherry from The Outsiders?" Andy stuttered out after thinking for a long time.  
"Dammit..what the hell do I do in this pickle?" Garth questioned, rubbing his head.  
"Fine. I guess I kill Joan Jett, fuck Cherry, and marry Princess Leia" He finally answered proudly.  
Jo gasped out " What! How can you kill off Joan Jett? Jesus, I swear you boys are losing brain cells everyday.." She groaned out.  
Dean sighed loudly, checking his watch every few seconds.  
"Babe." Lisa chirped as she curled her legs under her to face Dean.  
"Relax, We finally made it. We are here, school's over, and we have the whole summer ahead of us. Okay?" She finished.  
Dean nodded, laying his head back against his seat.  
"Sir?" Said the ranger, who Dean thought looked so old that she might melt in this heat.  
"Ma'am."  
"Here's your key, and your map. You'll be on the far side of the camp ground, which is mostly secluded except for another small cabin that neighbors it. Ooo, also you'll be directly in front of the pond." The old woman said, giddy and full of energy.  
"Excuse me, is anyone else in the other cabin yet?" Andy said, poking his head out of the back window.  
"No sir. You have your own private section of the Luna campground! Enjoy it folks!"  
She finished, waving excitedly even though the Impala was still in park. Dean couldn't help but chuckle and wave back, finding something so god damn cute in her happiness. Dean wondered what it was like to be that happy .  
"We made it, bitches!" Jo exclaimed, her voice rattling the car.  
"Ohhhhhhhh" Garth started up.  
"What a wonderful world!" The five yelled in unison, laughing after at their own pathetic inside joke.  
The five of them became best friends on a freshman class field trip to some smelly snap-pea farm in West Virginia. Their bus driver played  
"What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong nonstop the whole way there and back. So, in turn it became their catchphrase for any occasion worth screaming for.  
"Fuck, where am I going again? " Dean muttered under his breath as he got swallowed up by the woody mass.  
Lisa studied the map that the ranger gave them, beads of sweat developing on her nose.  
"Take a left up here, then you drive down that road all the way to the edge of camp."  
Dean exhaled as he heard the crunch of gravel under the tires of the Impala, Andy, Garth, and Jo beginning another game of MFK.  
Dean smiled and squinted, trying to see further down the road, wondering how he would ever leave this place when the time came.

*

"Roll down your window, Cas." Tessa prompted.  
Castiel did as she asked, putting the car in park as he was greeted by a ranger.  
"Why, howdy there, friends! Welcome to Luna!" She said, handing him a clipboard to sign his name on.  
Castiel couldn't help but cackle, Tessa joining in, as if it were contagious.  
He handed the board back to her and she walked away, searching for something in one of the drawers of the stop-shack.  
Cas turned to look in the back seat, making sure none of their gear flew out when the top was down.  
"So how did you convince your brother to let you use his new car?" Tessa asked curiously, biting her lip while she waited for a response.  
"Well, he's going on some surf trip or something with his college buddies until next weekend, and since we should be back next friday, I kinda just didn't mention it." Cas said, a smug look plastered on his face.  
"Castiel Novak! Your brother's gonna skin you if you get so much as a scratch on this thing!" Tessa whined, trying to keep a straight face.  
Cas laughed as he put his hands together and stretched his arms out in front of him, his back cracking a few times.  
"Yeah but I couldn't have the most beautiful girl in Bay County be seen in a truck, could I? Hell no! Tessa Marsden rides in style, or doesn't ride at all." Cas yelled, playfully slamming his foot down.  
"Style, huh? Big talk from a guy who met his girlfriend at band camp after puking on himself." Exclaimed Tessa, smiling through her sentence.  
Cas was about to say something back when the ranger showed up at his window. He narrowed his eyes at Tessa and shook his head, laughing too loud into the poor woman's ear.  
''Yes, I'm very sorry. What was that?" Cas asked, turning toward her.  
"Oh, no worries, sir. Here's your key, and your map. I hope you enjoy your first time at Luna! It looks like you'll have neighbors, too. We just checked in some folks who went to the cabin right next to yours. They looked real nice, and just about your age! Have fun!" she exclaimed and started waving as Cas thought through endless scenarios of who from their school could be here with him.  
"Hey, hey Cas it'll be fine. We won't let anyone ruin this trip for us. I promise." Tessa said, scooting closer to him, turning the radio on.  
Castiel inhaled sharply, trying to not think about the fact that he might be cabin neighbors with a fellow classmate-which would be hell.  
He put his arm around Tessa, bringing her into him.  
"Oh I'm not worried about that. I was just thinking about how I can't swim and we will be so close to the pond. Thats all." Cas reassured her.  
"Yeah, okay." Tessa replied, holding out the 'o' in 'okay'.  
Cas cleared his throat as he fully submerged the Mercedes into the shade.  
"You know you really are the most beautiful girl in all of Bay County." Cas stated confidently, kissing the top of her head.

*

"Well I sure as hell ain't going first." Lisa said, putting her hands up and backing away from the pond, the others following her lead, leaving Dean closest to the edge of the dock.  
He chuckled and felt beads of sweat drip off his already-sunburned face, the Virginia heat begging him to get in the water. Dean looked at Andy, Garth and Jo with a quick smirk before grabbing Lisa and running of the dock with her in his arms. She surfaced with a shriek, dunking Dean playfully, kissing him once he came back up. He shook his hair and held Lisa on his back, the cool water proving the five hour drive was more than worth it.  
"You asshats coming, or what?" Dean yelled to the three of them as they began racing to the edge of the pier.  
"Last one in cooks dinner!" Andy yelled, cannon balling in, Jo diving close behind. Garth came up and rolled his eyes.  
"Y'all are getting some raunchy sausages ill tell you what…" He said trailing off as he treaded water.  
Dean formed his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by an engine pulling up.  
"Aww, shit. Looks like we have our neighbors. " Jo said, resting her arms on the dock and laying her head on them, Dean doing the same.  
"Wait a second.." Dean said, cocking his head to the side as he examined.  
"I know that car. That's Gabriel Novak's car!" Dean exclaimed.  
"Wait like the Gabriel Novak, like best Bay County football player, football scholarship Gabriel Novak?" Lisa said, wrapping her arms around Dean's bare waist.  
"Oh, thats the one alright. His arm is insanely good." Garth chirped out.  
"Oh yeah, and how the hell do you know that? You were a freshman when he graduated, and never went to any of the games." Andy said with a giggle.  
"Because he used to throw me into lockers all the time. Trust me, he's got an arm." Garth finished, getting a good cackle out of the group.  
"Wait what the..Who the hell is…Oh fuck." Dean said, putting a hand over his face.  
"What hon? What is it?" Lisa said, turning to him.  
"That's not Gabriel. That's Castiel Novak. I had no clue the two were related since one aspired in sports and the other in Home Ec."  
"Oh, and Tessa Marsden, too. Yeah they have been a thing for awhile." Jo added.  
"Well whatever, lets just ignore them. They're harmless, anyway." Lisa said, pulling Dean back out to the water.

Cas spotted Dean Winchester and stopped breathing. He rushed to open the cabin door and started to unpack, throwing the bags in from the backseat with shaky fingers. His face began to flush and his stomach was making knots a boy scout couldn't even learn. He had always gotten this way when he saw Dean, and he couldn't explain why.  
 _Just forget about it. Pretend he's not here. Calm the fuck down, Castiel_  
He thought to himself.  
"Cas? You okay, love?" Tessa said, emerging from the door.  
"Yeah. Yeah I'm just exhausted." Cas breathed out, intending his shoulders.  
Tessa smiled and turned the shower on, kissing Cas on the cheek before closing the bathroom door behind her.  
He checked his watch which read 8PM, but it was still surprisingly light out. Tessa and Cas had eaten on the road so they didn't need to worry about cooking anything just yet.

Cas turned to his bag and unzipped it, pulling out his flannel PJ pants and an old t-shirt he had gotten at a concert. He pulled off his shirt, the cotton sticking to his chest.  
"Knock, knock." He heard from behind him and whipped around, finding Dean Winchester propped up against his doorframe.  
"Oh-uh, hi." Cas replied, itching the back of his neck.  
"Looks like we are neighbors!" Dean said with a corny smile, his eyes lighting up the whole cabin.  
"Yeah, looks like." Cas said, suddenly becoming aware he didn't have a shirt on still.  
Dean studied him for a long time before coming much closer to him, ending only 6 inches away from his face.  
"Look…" Dean began, playing with the quilt on the bed as he spoke.  
"My friends can be..well they can be jackasses, and on the rare occasion so can I. So I think it's best we just keep our distance so there isn't any drama. Besides, how many times do we graduate from high school, Cas?" Dean said confidently, grabbing Castiel's shoulder and squeezing it before walking outside.  
Cas stood with his jaw open in the cabin, still thinking about the minty smell of Dean's breath.  
"Oh, and by the way," Dean said, poking only his head back in the cabin.  
"You made one hell of a pie in 10th grade. What was it again? Blueberry and strawberry? Hmm, I dream about that pie it was so good." He finished, leaving without another word.  
"What the hell?" Cas whispered to himself, smiling without even noticing it.

*

Dean awoke in a cold sweat, checking the clock beside his table. It read 3AM. Dean ran outside to his car, opening the trunk quickly. He searched for his pills, the little orange tube that would make him feel better. After 5 minutes of searching he gave up, trying to slow down his breathing manually. Dean debated going back inside, but after looking up at the moon through the trees he decided to take a walk instead.

*

Cas danced on the dock foolishly, unable to sleep as usual. Cas loved to dance, but only by himself. And on this clear night, at 3AM, he felt pretty great. He never had anything to play music so he simply made his own, happily striding to the beat of whatever came out of his mouth.

Dean saw him from the outline of the trees, and got closer, furrowing his brow as he smiled.  
"What the hell is this idiot doing?" He said under his breath.

 _"I see trees of green, red roses, too,  
I see them bloom, for me and you"_ Cas sang as he watzed by himself.

Dean got closer, covering his mouth so he wouldn't laugh and blow his cover.

" _And I think to myself  
What a wonderful world_."

Dean watched in awe, his voice mesmerizing him in a way he couldn't quite grasp.

" _I see skies of_ \- wh-whoa!" Cas yelped, losing his balance and falling into the pond, his arms flailing recklessly.

Dean sprinted to the dock and dove in, grabbing Castiel with one arm as he swam fiercely up to the dock with the other. Castiel yelped and squirmed violently, shaking and sobbing under his arm.  
Dean pulled him up onto the dock and lay down on the dock, tired from hauling them both up. Cas coughed and then turned to Dean wide-eyed.  
"Th-thanks. You saved me…" He finished, looking down at his hands on the dark deck.  
Dean sat up and curled his legs up to him, studying Cas for a long time before finally speaking;  
"Were you singing What a Wonderful World?"  
"Yeah. Wait, really? That's what you say in this situation? Jesus.." Cas said, narrowing his eyes at Dean as he struggled to stop his vision from blurring.  
Dean smiled at the ground, shaking his head.  
"You've got a hell of a voice, Castiel. And not too shabby on the moves, either."  
Cas blushed furiously, scooting farther away from him on the dock.  
"You-you heard that?" Cas stuttered out anxiously.  
Dean nodded, scooting closer to Cas.  
"And I'm glad I did, too. Its not every day you hear something that amazing." He said with that same quirky smile.  
"You've got a future, you know. " Dean added, Cas looking at him, confused.  
"With your voice. I wish I had that kind of talent."  
"Oh, quit." Cas prodded back.  
"Dude, I'm serious. A handsome guy like you, with a voice that great is bound to make millions. Hell, you're the next Louis Armstrong for all we know."  
"Well cmon. You want to talk about who's jealous of who? Look at you, man. 'Superstar Dean Winchester'. I would kill to have had as much fun as you did in school."

Dean grabbed Castiels hand, looking into his eyes.  
"You see thats the difference between you and I. I had a nice past, you have a fucking awesome future. You're the real winner here." He finished, not moving his hand or his daring eye contact.  
Cas felt like steel butterflies were leaving their cocoons for the first time in his stomach.  
"Promise me something," Dean started, getting dangerously close to Cas's lips.  
"Promise me you'll make a few hits, play a few gigs, sing on the damn subway, sing in front of your college hall, sing to someone or something that shows people how talented you are. It's unfair of me to keep such a gorgeous secret all to myself." Dean finished as Cas licked his lips, unknowingly. Cas closed his eyes, trying to make sure he would always remember this moment, capturing every color and spec of detail and keeping it in his mind forever.  
Dean leaned in and brushed his lips against Cas's a few times before locking on, tasting heaven for the first time.  
Dean pulled away and whispered to Castiel;  
"What a wonderful world"


	3. Up Around the Strawberries and Sandals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years later, Cas is on his way to meet an agent in Nashville, TN when he picks up an unlikely hitchhiker.

_"Never be ashamed_ _to write a melody that people remember."_

-Burt Bacharach

 

May, 1988

The wind ran through Castiel's hair, the black mess going every which way as he sped down the never-ending highway. He smiled to himself, looking at his guitar in the back in his rearview mirror. He was on his way to Nashville, Tennessee for a meeting with his new agent. The afternoon sun soaked into his pores as he began to wonder about what his life was going to be like. After reaching the conclusion that he didn't care, his smile grew even wider, not being able to ever say that before.  
Castiel put in the CCR cassette for the fifth time today, belting happily to Up Around the Bend upon it's start. Cas breathed in the air all around him, the open road smelling like a fresh, new beginning. In the distance Castiel made out a tiny figure, which became a person as he got closer. They had his back to him, and as he pulled closer he saw that the stranger had his thumb out. Castiel battled with himself only a bit before pulling about 30 feet in front of the person and waiting for them. His hands began to get clammy under the wheel as he wondered if a killer was getting in his car. What if it was a rapist, or a car thief? What if he was about to be robbed? Cas looked nervously down at his gear shift, slowly contemplating leaving whomever this was behind. That goddamn Hitcher movie had scared Castiel half to death.  
"Hey, thanks, man." said his new passenger, Castiel barely noticing he got in.  
Castiel turned to the man who was still facing the seatbelt, trying to get it unstuck.  
"Oh, that seat belts a bitch. I wouldn't even bother.." Cas murmured out quickly, looking down at his hands, taking off his sunglasses.  
"You." Said the man next to him.  
Cas looked up and assumed he must have been dreaming.  
"You." he copied back, unable to come up with anything else .  
"Do you remember who I am?" his passenger asked, wide-eyed, smiling like an idiot.  
"Well, of course I remember you."  
Cas thought about him everyday, reminding himself that he owes his success to him. How could he possilbly forget this man? This man had taught him more about himself in five minutes than Tessa had in 5 years.  
Yes, Castiel remembered him.  
"Why, you're Dean Winchester." Cas finally spoke, not breaking eye contact with the beautiful color he was staring into.  
After a few moments of smiling silence, Dean cleared his throat, settling in his seat.  
"Where you off to?" He grumbled.  
Cas put the car in drive and pulled back onto the highway.  
"Nashville. I uh, I got an agent."  
Dean looked at him, that smile appearing again. He looked as if he was about to say something, but instead kept it to himself, chuckling as he looked down at his hands.  
"I told you. I told you that you had talent, Novak. God thats great, you know. Thats really great." He finally said.  
Cas peeked at him and narrowed his eyes at the road, not wanting the conversation to end.  
"What about you? What are you up to, I mean."  
"Well, not much. Right now i'm on my way to see my brother. He just graduated and ran off with some girl to a hotel in West Virginia."  
"And after that?" Cas prodded.  
"Well, after that, I guess its up to the wind." Dean said with a chuckle.  
"You don't have any plans?" Castiel said quietly.  
"Nope. Just wandering." He said curtly.  
"Ever been to Nashville?" Castiel finally got the guts to say.  
"Yeah, I've passed through there on a road trip with my brother once, but not more than just grabbing a burger.  
Cas swallowed hard,  
_'fuck it'_  
he thought to himself.  
"You know, I have an extra room at my place there. If you wanna maybe stay with me - er at my place until you get back on your feet?"

_'Shit. That was too soon. This guy has been in your car for less than five minutes and you already task him to move in with you ? Christ, Cas'_

Dean didn't say anything for a long time, and Castiel sat waiting for the laughter to start.  
Dean finally peered at Cas, his half smile stretching to his left eye.  
"You really wanna live with some guy you just picked up?" Dean said smugly.  
"You're not just some guy." Castiel answered hastily.  
Dean furrowed his brow at this, studying the way Cas' sunglasses matched his hair, deeply wishing he would take them off so he could see those eyes he always thought about.  
"Yeah," He began with a chuckle, "neither are you. But, like I said I have to stop by and see my brother for a few days and-"  
"I'll drop you at your brothers and just get a room myself. Besides, I'm in no rush, and could really use the rest." Castiel finished, his hands so sweaty he thought he might lose control of the wheel. He absent-mindedly turned the AC up all the way and thought about Tessa. He thought about the lake, and the time Dean saved his life. Then he tried to focus on anything but Dean, his emotions getting too ahead of himself already.  
Meanwhile, Dean's eyes began to well up, a feeling that was so unfamiliar Dean was positive he was dreaming the whole thing.  
He laughed it off and faced the window, blindly grabbing Castiel's shoulder and squeezing it.  
"You have no idea how much this means to me, really. Thank you so much. I promise i'll help with whatever I can."  
Cas nodded in reply, flashing those precious gums of his to his new roommate.  
Dean admired the road as it went under the car, the tree covered land surrounding it fading into one green mess. He put his head back and looked at the sky where the roof should be.  
God, he knew he loved shitty convertibles for a reason.  
"My god." Dean said, and Cas could hear the smile in his voice.  
"What?" He replied over the wind.  
Dean looked at him and sighed deeply, as if breathing out regret.  
"What a wonderful fucking world."

*

After the sun fell Dean fell asleep almost instantly , after 5 hours of conversation and Dean complimenting his taste in music. Cas noted that he probably hasn't slept in days regarding the bags under his eyes. Cas thought maybe he was a drifter, maybe homeless, maybe a felon, but then, as Dean leaned absent-mindedly onto Cas' shoulder, nuzzling into him, Cas thought he didn't give a damn. Castiel flashed back to when he decided to pick up the hitchhiker, how he had no idea who it was going to be, if it was going to be a good decision or not.

Yet, as he observed this beautiful, brown haired, freckled mess curled up onto him, he decided it was the best risk he would ever take.

*

Dean and Castiel checked into the hotel at the front desk, receiving two key cards.  
"Ill be asleep within minutes, but feel free to pop in if you need anything. Other than that, just come get me when you're ready, take as long as you need. You know where I will be." Cas said with a wink, caring his bag to the elevator.

Sam's room was on fifth floor, but Dean still took the stairs. He was petrified of elevators. He stood in front of Sam's room, his hand up in a fist, ready to knock. He hadn't seen Sammy in ten months, which is when Dean took off from town, and it was the longest they had ever been apart in their lives. It was funny, Dean thought. This is all he has been thinking about since the moment he left, and he couldn't even get the guts to knock on the goddamn door.  
Dean took a deep, anticipating breath and finally knocked, his knuckles hitting hard on the hollow wood.  
"Yeah, just a sec!" He heard a girl call from inside.  
Then, all this sudden, standing in the open doorway was the most beautiful girl Dean thinks he had ever seen. He stuttered for a moment, checking to make sure he had the right number.  
"Dean, right?" The girl said, her voice pouring out in a draw.  
"Yes ma'am. So, I guess that makes you Jessica?" Dean countered with a smile, extending his hand for her to shake.  
"Come on in, stranger. Sam's in the shower, but he should be right out."  
Dean stepped in, the musk of the stingy hotel room being more welcoming than he could imagine.  
"I can't say we were expecting you for a couple days, at least. Sam's gonna be thrilled!" Jessica said, grabbing Dean and herself a beer as he sat down on the couch, sitting down on the loveseat next to him.  
"Thanks" he grumbled with a smile, massaging a crick out of the back of his neck.  
"Your brother sure does miss you. Hell, you're all that kid talks about." She said, putting her hair back into a tight pony tail before taking a swig of her beer.  
"Well that's unfortunate, haha. I sure would hate to hear about me all the time."  
"No, c'mon I didn't mean it like that. I think its real sweet. You two must be real close, huh?" She said, her accent reminding Dean of home.  
"Close as it gets, sweetheart."  
Dean pointed to her beer and raised his eyebrows.  
"How old are you?" He said, leaning foreword.  
"Seventeen." Jessica replied, straightening up in her seat.  
"Hmm, thats what I thought." Dean said under his breath, laying back on the couch.  
"So you're on the road I hear?" Jessica said, giddily.  
"Yep. Ten months now."  
Jessica was about to reply, but froze when they heard rustling from the hallway. Dean smiled, putting his beer down on the coffee table as he stood up. Sam walked out, drying his hair, singing to himself happily.  
"Hey, babe can I grab a-" Sam began, dropping his towel to the ground in surprise as he looked up.  
"Dean!" He half-yelled, stumbling over to his brother.  
Dean nearly crashed into him with force, hugging him tight. Dean could tell just from hugging him that the kid had gained at least fifteen pounds of muscle, and had grown a few more inches. He felt that weird, teary-eyed feeling again, and pulled Sam away from the hug so he could look at him.  
"C'mon now, let me look at ya." He said, scanning his brother up and down before squeezing him again.

They all sat down around the coffee table, Dean reclining happily in his chair.  
Dean finally cleared his throat, taking a drink of beer.  
"Kid, tell me you graduated." Dean said, half praying.  
"Dean, I did." Sam said with a chuckle.  
"He did more than that.." Jess mumbled.  
"Jess.." Sam said, his draw becoming more prominent with age, sounding more like Dean everyday.  
"No, what. Tell me." Dean persisted, putting his chair in its normal upright position.  
Sam shook his head, and looked at Jess.  
"I got in, Dean." He finally blurted out.  
"Sammy, you-you got into Tech?" Dean replied, wide-eyed.  
"Alright, Sammy!" Dean roared, picking his brother up into another hug.  
Ever since Dean could remember, Sammy has wanted to go to Virginia Tech. His grades were good enough to get him into Princeton, but after Dean left, they dropped, and it didn't look like Sam was even going to graduate. Dean told his dad to push him hard, support him, all that good stuff, but Dean faced the facts: the two brothers didn't strive away from each other. God only knows how horrible Dean's year was.

"Alright, Ill need a good eight hours of talk-time and beer to catch up with you, but first do you mind if I grab a shower?" Dean asked, looking in the direction of the bathroom.

*

Dean walked back from the bathroom and saw Sam and Jessica cuddled up on the couch, Sam singing something soft to her.  
"What did I do to deserve such a great guy?" She said into his chest.  
Sam kissed the top of her head and sang some more, so quiet that Dean couldn't make it out. He looked so happy with her. For a split second, Dean felt like a kid again, with Sammy. He felt happy, which before Castiel picked him up today, he wasn't for months.  
"Well I know you don't love him for his singing." Dean said, smiling as he walked in the room.  
Jessica laughed and nodded, trying to hide from Sam.  
"Hey! Im not that bad!' Sam giggled, tickling her sides.  
Jessica got up and threw the beer bottles in the trash, Sam watching her the whole time.  
"Okay, well I'm gonna go to sleep and let y'all catch up, now."  
Sam grabbed her hands and pulled her down to his sitting level for a kiss, smiling as he did so.  
"Love you, Sam" She said as she started walking away.  
"You too, Jess. Night."  
"And it sure was nice meeting you, Dean. Don't get him too drunk, now, ya hear?" she said, to Dean.  
"Yes ma'am." He replied, squeezing her hand before she went to the bedroom.

*

The boys sat across from each other on the couch, sharing unholy amounts of licorice and gummy worms, guzzling down more beer by the second.  
"Hey, do you remember that one time dad found you hiding Pam Jones in the closet on halloween?" Sam said through laughter.  
"Oh are you kidding me? How could I forget? And dad was pissed, like so mad, remember? "  
"Yeah! What was your punishment again?" Sammy urged.  
"I had to clean out the gutter, and found our dead hamster. Well, your dead hamster." Dean replied, stuffing more worms in his mouth.  
Sam laughed loudly, clapping his hands with excitement.  
"Oh, god that was so golden. Those were the days. I sure missed the shit out of you, man." Sam said, suddenly serious.  
"You too, Sammy. But Im here now, you got a beautiful girl on your arm, and youre going to college!"  
_Sammy's going to college._  
Dean repeated to himself, his happiness erupting from his pores.  
"Yeah, and what about you? What are you doing after this?"  
"Well you know Castiel Novak?" Dean started, liking the way his name rolled off his tongue.  
"You mean like the Castiel Novak? The guy you saved from drowning and stuff?"  
' _and stuff'_ by that Sam meant _'the one you made out with but made me promise to never speak of again'_  
"Yeah, Sammy that one. He was the one who picked me up and brought me here. And we get to talking and he says he's got an extra room at his new place in Nashville, and I could stay there with him until Im on my feet, or whatever." Dean said quickly, taking a sip of his beer after.  
"Dean thats amazing! I'm so happy for you. And Nashville, man thats just grand, real fucking grand." Sammy babbled .  
Dean cackled, watching his brothers eyes slowly droop into a drunken dopiness.  
"Okay, Mr. Grand, lets get you to bed." Dean said, helping his brother up.  
"No, no you just got here…you're not gonna….when I wake up." Sam said in between short seconds of unconsciousness.  
"Sammy, listen. I'll be here when you wake up, making you breakfast, just like old times. Now get some rest, you're a mess."  
"I want pancakes…" Sammy mumbled, but Dean already knew.  
"I know, Sammy, strawberries and dark chocolate chips. Now get in bed."  
"You remembered!" Sam said breathily, and Dean finally picked him up and placed him on the bed, being careful not to wake up Jessica, closing the door behind him.  
"Jesus." He said under his breath, laughing a bit.  
He grabbed all the trash and put his shoes on, heading down the hall to the trash chute.

 _"And I say to myself what a wonderful world."_ He sang as he walked, half-asleep.

"Thats funny, thats been stuck in my head all day, too." said a familiar voice behind him.  
Dean whipped around, and saw Castiel, wearing his grey hoodie with the hood over his head, sweatpants, and sandals on. Castiel moved in front of Dean and put his trash down the chute, holding it open for Dean.  
Dean looked at Castiel, unable to form words to match his beauty. It was 3:45 AM in front of a trash chute when Dean decided that Castiel Novak was beautiful.  
"Uh-thanks., Castiel. Night then." Dean said turning away, pecking Castiel's cheek before he did so. He immediately realized what he did was a mistake and turned back around to apologize, only to run into Castiel's lips. Then it all came back, the night he tried to block out so vividly, because it changed his perspective. The night he thinks about whenever he's sad, or in trouble. The night at Luna.  
Castiel pulled away, pecking Dean a few more times before putting his lips to his ear.  
"Call me Cas."  
Then he walked away back to his room, as if nothing had happened, leaving Dean with his mouth wide open in the middle of a smelly hallway. It felt oddly ironic and Dean loved it.

Deans smile didn't fade as he got back to Sammy's room, locking the door behind him. He grabbed a blanket and put his hood on as well, curling up on the roughly-fabricated couch.  
As he twisted and turned he couldn't help but remember how comfortable Cas' car was.


	4. Welcome Home

_"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."_   


-Martin Luther King

 

Dean got back from the store around 9AM with all the supplies to cook breakfast. The make-shift hotel stove took nearly five minutes to get a light, but Dean knew that Sammy was going to be happy about these pancakes, and that's all the motivation that he needed. 

Dean sung to himself as he cracked eggs with one hand, and poured flour into a bowl with the other. He heard his brother and Jessica whispering from the other room, and then Sam groaning as he walked to the bathroom. Dean stifled a laugh, imagining his hungover brother. As he put the pancakes and eggs on three separate plates, Jessica came out and poured them all glasses of orange juice.

"Well, aren't you just a sight for sore eyes?" Dean said with a hearty smile. For some reason he already loved her. Perhaps it was because he could see how much she cared about his brother. If anyone deserved a gal like that, it was Sammy. 

Dean pulled out her chair for her after she finished setting the table. 

"Why, _thank you_ , Dean."

Sam came out and sat down, looking as if he were going to fall the whole way to the table. He rubbed his eyes, revealing bags the size of Kentucky under them. He saw Dean and smiled suddenly, as if he had forgotten he was there.

"You remembered." He croaked out, digging into the pancakes happily. 

"Well, I outta. I've only made them for you a thousand times." Dean retorted, snickering.

 

*

 

"Well, I guess this is goodbye, then." Sam said, handing Dean's bag to him in the stingy lobby. 

"Promise you'll come out and visit me before you head to Tech?" Dean grumbled.

"Yeah, I promise, Dean." 

Dean pulled his brother into a tight hug, Cas appearing next to them, grinning.

"You must be Castiel." Sam said rather gruffly, holding out his hand.

"Ah, so  _you're_  Sam. It's a pleasure to meet you. And if all those stories about you that your brother told me on the way down here were true, then you seem like a really cool guy. I hope we get to know each other." Cas replied.

Dean was shocked by how eloquently he spoke, as if he were from another time. Sam smiled, almost taken aback by his kindness.

"And this is Jessica, my girlfriend."

"Pleasure's all mine, Castiel." She said as she shook his hand, blushing slightly.

"Jessica, you got a second?"Dean asked

She nodded, following him away from Cas and Sam. Dean sighed, something tiny pulling at one of his heart strings. 

He leaned up against the wall near the receptionist, turning to Jessica.

"Sammy is special, Jessica. He's smart, and funny, and caring, an he ain't no coward either. 

She nodded once more, watching her feet. 

"Now I can see how much that kid loves you," Dean began turning towards her.

"And If I'm correct you love him, too."

"Well, yes. Yes I do." She said confidently. 

Dean smiled at this, flushing a bit.

"You're not like other girls, Jessica. I can tell by the way you talk to people. You're a hell of a catch. Now, I have one favor to ask you."

"Yes, anything."

"Take care of Sam, will ya? Support him, push him to excel, all that good stuff. He needs to do well in school. He deserves a good life, which is something my dad and I could never give him." Dean finished.

"Dean he loves you no matter-"

"Can you do that for me, Jess?" Dean blurted out, cutting her off. 

"You have my word." She said, pushing her hair behind her ears.

Dean flashed her that famous half smile of his and began to walk away, but Jessica grabbed hold of his arm. 

"Wait! One sec.." She said as she dug into her purse. 

She pulled out two packs of licorice and handed them to Dean.

"For the road." She said with a smile, flashing those pearls of hers.

Dean pulled her into a quick hug, and had a feeling she would be family sooner or later.

"Ready?" Cas asked as they walked back up, and Dean could feel his excitement.

"Don't let this one get away, Sammy." Dean said in regard to Jessica. 

Sam chuckled, his eyes looking watery. He pulled Jessica close and rested his head on hers.

"Trust me, Dean, I won't." 

"I'll see you soon, kid." Dean promised as he walked out to Cas' car.

 

*

 

Cas and Dean rode to the same CCR cassette, the wind threatening to drown out Bad Moon Rising. Cas kept looking over at Dean to see the same sad face plastered on him. 

"Castiel-er-Cas, I'm fine, really. I've just got a lot on my mind, and leaving Sam ain't ever easy."

Cas grabbed Dean's hand and held it for the rest of the way there.

Dean smiled for awhile after that.

 

*

 

They arrived at their apartment, groggy and hungry. Cas slid the key into the lock and twisted it, laughing softly when it opened. Cas turned the lights on and practically ran inside the door. Cas inspected all the rooms, each one he saw making his smile grow wider, putting his bags down in what Dean assumed was his own.  It wasn't huge, but it sure was more than Dean could have ever dreamed of having in his life. 

"Now, what do we have here?" Cas said as he opened the fridge. His face scrunched and he cocked his head to the side before looking at Dean, who was still in the doorway. 

"Well, Sir, today our specials are mustard or a half-eaten hoagie." Cas said in his fanciest voice.

Dean chuckled and kicked at the ground, nervously.  Castiel closed the fridge and looked at Dean in confusion.

"You know you can come in if you want. This is your home too, Dean."

Dean's gaze froze, as well as everything inside of him.

_'Your home'_ he repeated in his head.

Something suddenly erupted from inside of him, filling every inch of his body with warmth. A lump grew in his throat that he couldn't swallow down. 

"Dean?" Cas asked worriedly , breaking Dean from his trance.

"Hey, you okay?" 

Dean blinked a few times, embarrassed. 

"Yeah, just tired from the drive is all." Dean said as tried to walk away before Cas could ask anything else.

"Dean, where did you grow up?" Cas said quietly.

Dean shut his eyes, wishing to every higher power to make him disappear.

"Sunset Trailer Park." Dean stuttered out, clearing his throat. He wondered how Cas would react at this.

Maybe he would judge him like most of the other rich kids, maybe he would pity him, which was even worse.

"Oh, yeah? My mom grew up there." Cas answered lightly.

Dean was not expecting that, but he didn't question, he just tried to change the subject all together.

"So, what are we gonna eat?" He asked with a smile. 

"How about I run out and grab us something while you get settled in? Your room is the first door down the hall."

Cas said as he pointed down past the kitchen.

"Yeah, okay sounds good. Thanks so much again, Cas, really." Dean said, clutching his only bag tightly in his hands.

Cas kissed him on the cheek and turned to go out the door.

"Welcome home, Dean."

 

*

 

Dean and Castiel ate hot wings and pizza before showering and taking to their rooms. Dean looked at his ceiling, unable to sleep as usual, thinking about too much at once. At about 2:30 AM he began to doze off, and for once slept like a baby. That is, until he heard the screaming. 

 

"No! No, grab my hand!" Cas yelled from his room, shaking the whole apartment. Dean darted out of bed and sprinted into Cas' room.

"It's burning! I can't reach him! " Cas screamed into the darkness. 

Dean jumped on the bed and held Cas in his arms, propping himself up against the wall.

"Cas, c'mon, wake up." Dean said shakily, trying to get his own heart to stop racing.

Cas gasped and opened his eyes, scanning the unfamiliar surroundings. His eyes met Dean's, and he melted into his arms, sobbing into Dean's bare chest. Dean rocked him back and forth and hummed as Cas slowly ran out of tears. After five minutes Cas pulled away from Dean and looked up at him with red, puffy eyes.

"I'm so, so sorry…" He began.

"Cas, don't apologize, just start by telling me whats wrong."

"Just don't let me go back to sleep, okay?

 

 

Dean made two cups of coffee and the two sat on the bed across from each other. Cas drank half of his cup before he began speaking, but Dean was in no rush, especially looking at Cas.

 

"My older brother, Gabriel passed away a year ago." Cas muttered, blank-faced.

Dean's head snapped up in surprise.

"Cas, I'm so sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine." Dean said earnestly, looking into his coffee.

"Thank you." He said with a small grin as he took another sip from his mug. 

"It was a house fire, but they still don't know how it happened.. My family and I rent out a beach house in Virginia Beach every summer. We were the only ones in the house when it started, my whole family had gone to the beach. We got trapped up in the upstairs bedroom, and the window wouldn't open. Finally, Gabe kicked it out, and pushed me onto the roof first. I held out my hand to him so he could grab it, but the roof collapsed on him, and I was too late." Cas finished, chugging down his coffee.

 

Dean was never a good talker, especially when it came to things like this. The only person he was good a talking to was Sammy. 

"I-I don't know what to say." Dean said, his face turning red.

Cas grinned tiredly and put his mug down on the bedside table. 

"You don't have to say anything. I love your silence just as much as your voice anyway."

Dean laughed lightly, finishing the rest of his own coffee.

"You should try and go back to sleep. I'll be right in the other room if you need me, okay?"

"Okay." Cas said, a tone of unhappiness in his voice still.

"Goodnight, Cas. " Dean said as he started to walk down the hallway.

"Dean, wait!" Cas called, and Dean came back in quickly.

"Would you mind staying in here with me?" Cas asked, immediately regretting it as he looked down at his twiddling thumbs. But as he looked up again, Dean had already turned the light off and was crawling under the covers with him. Cas nuzzled into Deans chest happily, falling asleep easily with the tempo of his breathing.

 


	5. His Famous Smile

_“Within each of us is a light, awake, encoded in the fibers of our existence. Divine ecstasy is the totality of this marvelous creation experienced in the hearts of humanity”_

_-Tony Samara_

July 3rd, 1988

 

Everyday was pretty much the same. Cas would leave at 8:30 and come back at 4:30 when he was done recording. Dean would spend his days walking to the dog park, or picking up things to make dinner with at the nearby market. A lot of times he found himself reading one of Cas' Stephen King books, wanting desperately to be able to relate with Cas on some sort of intelligent level. Some days he would call Sam, he would tell him that everything was great., because for once in Dean's life, he felt okay. He felt safe. But, despite that fact, he couldn't help but feel like something was missing from him. He was happy as hell, but he was still mooching off Cas, and hasn't had luck finding a job yet. Castiel told him it was fine, and that he could take as much time as he needed, but Dean still felt like he was intruding somehow. He felt powerless, and stupid sometimes because Cas was just so _damn_  smart. The way he spoke, and retained the most random facts baffled Dean in a way that only made him more attracted to him. Cas might not be able to make spaghetti, but he can tell you all about the 1969 Dodgers batting line up if you ever needed. Dean found himself asking him countless questions just to hear him speak. He voice cut the air with a poetic knife, carsessing Dean's eardrums, filling his head with happiness. 

Dean and Cas don't have a label on their relationship, but they were closer than Dean could have ever wished for. It's not that they don't believe in labels, or don't feel the same way for each other, they were just taking things slow. Dean had never done that with anyone before, and he could feel himself changing into someone who enjoyed deeper conversations, and sharing tea before bed. Opposed to just sex and a bad movie, which pretty much sums up the activities in all of Dean's past relationships. But none of those relationships were this good. None of them were with Cas. 

 

Dean heard the door open and snapped his neck up from the newspaper, already grinning. 

"Cas." Dean said with his famous smile, getting up to kiss him. 

Dean pulled away with pink lips, leading Cas to the table to sit down. 

"I missed you." Castiel croaked out quietly.

"I miss you everyday." Dean replied, reassuring him.

Cas couldn't help but smile to himself, also being the happiest he's ever been. Dean somehow healed Cas…made him a better person just by talking to him. He made him wonder about things he would have never contemplated, amazed at the topics Dean could conjure up when he was speaking. Castiel loved learning about his home in Virginia, how different it was from Cas', him and his brother and how close they were. He loved his draw, and how he never seemed to lose it. It poured out of his mouth like cream, covering every word in a vat of flowing loveliness. 

"What did you do today?"  Cas said as he put his napkin in his lap.

Dean brought over the plates of chicken parmesan and set one down in front of him and Cas. 

"Got things ready for tomorrow, mostly. Went to the store, did laundry, and then cooked." Dean said as he began to dig into his food. 

"Are you excited?" Cas said, already knowing the answer.

Dean's smile grew wide, and Cas thought he saw him as an eighteen year old again.

"Mhm." Dean said with a full mouth. 

July 4th was Dean's all time favorite holiday. He was the most patriotic little southern boy Cas had ever met, but it only made him love him more. Dean told Cas he always wanted to be a marine like his dad, but he could never get the guts to leave Sam behind. Cas could tell it was something that pulled at him every once in awhile when it was brought up, as if he had some sort of duty he wasn't fulfilling.  

"What time is Sam gonna be here ?" Cas asked, shoving some of the delicious food inside his mouth. He swears Dean should be a chef.

"Somewhere around noon tomorrow." Dean said quickly.

Cas smiled and rubbed his legs under the table, tangling them together with his own in a perfect knot. 

 

*

 

Cas and Dean lay with their noses touching, talking against each others lips. Cars whizzed by occasionally, sometimes shaking the apartment, making the bed squeak.

"Dean?" Cas whispered, thinking he had fallen asleep.

"Mmm?"

"I'm just so happy. Because of you." Cas said a little shyly, wondering how Dean would react. 

Dean pulled his arms around him and brought him into his chest, burrowing into his warmth. He kissed the top of Cas' head and breathed out heavily, through a smile.

"You're the best thing I've ever had." He said simply. 

And it was simple. So simple, because Cas has been wanting to say the same thing to Dean for three months. Cas giggled into Dean's chest, taking in his smell, wishing he could make it into a candle. It was then, the night before the Fourth of July that Cas realized he was completely in love with Dean Winchester, and he had to do something about it.

 

*

 

Dean awoke to the sun blaring down on him, beckoning for him to open his eyes. He sat straight up in a panic when he realized Cas wasn't there. He ripped off the covers and tore down the hallway in just his boxers. 

"Cas?" He yelled, not bothering to rub the sleep from his exhausted eyes.

He emerged into the kitchen, wide-eyed and nervous. Standing there, in an American flag speedo, in front of a fully-made breakfast was his Cas. 

_"My country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty_

  
_Of thee I sing"_ Cas boomed out unforgivingly, causing Dean's heart to get caught in his throat in a way he didn't quite understand.

It was then that he knew. Dean knew.

Dean ran over to him, cutting off his perfectly pitched song, and scooped him up with kisses that were hot and messy. Dean carried him all the way back to their room and closed the door behind them as force of habit. He threw Cas down on the bed and flung himself on top of him, not wanting anything more than to be with him right now. Dean stopped suddenly, holding Cas' face in both of his hands, letting his hot breath run over his face. Cas looked at him in confusion, wondering why he had stopped. Dean had never had sex with a guy before, but he knew that Cas had, so something came over him : nerves. He shut down, not knowing what he should do. 

"Dean, whats wrong?" Cas panted. 

"I-I've never done this with a guy before." Dean croaked out, looking away from Cas' eyes. 

"Babe. Relax." Cas whispered, pulling Dean up and under the covers with him. 

 

45 minutes later the two emerged from the bedroom and sat down across from each other at the table, happily eating their (now cold) food. Dean wiped sweat from his face, but couldn't wipe his smile. His heart was loud in his chest and he felt a soreness that he almost didn't recognize . Cas grabbed his hand and they held it over the table, ecstatic to be eating with just one hand.

"Cas..who knew you could cook? Thank you, really it's great." Dean said, lying as he shoved the wettest eggs he had ever tasted into his mouth. But Cas had made them, which made them his favorite eggs.

The oven beeped loudly and Cas gasped with excitement, practically jumping out of his chair.

"I reckon you're trying to fatten me up, huh?" Dean said with a chuckle.

Cas didn't answer, grabbing whatever it was out of the oven with large mitts. He shook as he walked over to Dean with his creation, Dean clearing space on the small table for this good-smelling thing. 

Dean knew that smell.

"Cas, you didn't" Dean began eagerly, knowing what it was before it was even put down. 

Cas anxiously set it in front of him, and as soon as Dean saw it he got that feeling again. That little tug on his heart strings that made him ache somewhere deep down. He felt this way, because as he looked down at the perfectly circular pie, he read, spelled out in tiny berries.

_'I love you, Dean.'_

And there it was, spelled out right in front of him the most perfect way: the three words Dean wanted to say to Cas since the day he picked him off the side of the road.  Cas watched as two tears welled up into the corners of Dean's eyes, threatening to spill over if he so much as blinked. Dean got up and went to the room for a moment, motioning for Cas to stay in the kitchen. 

Cas began shaking anxiously as he heard Dean poke around in their room. Cas nervously scurried to the radio and turned it on, not caring what it was on, he just needed to fill the silence. Just as he hit the power button Dean came out, holding something behind his back. He walked over to Cas, not meeting his eyes. He then handed him a folded up piece of paper and Cas could see his hands were shaking, too. Upon inspection Cas saw it was the Luna campground map, with the pier circled where Dean had saved Cas all those years ago. Under the circled pier there was a note. It read;

 

_'You make my world wonderful, Cas. I love you'_

 

"I didn't know how else to tell you. I've been trying to get the balls to give that to you for days now." Dean said with a laugh that sounded forced. 

Cas shook his head and smiled, his face red and his eyes puffy. 

"We are just too cute, Dean Winchester." Cas said as he went over and tasted his still swollen slips., running his hands through his hair.

"Happy birthday, America." Dean said happily, kissing Cas back.

 

*

 

There was a knock on the door while Cas was getting dressed. He checked the clock, which read 12:15. Dean had to run out last-minute for a picnic blanket, so Cas quickly pulled his shirt on and ran to the door. He opened it and saw Sam and Jessica staring back at them, excitement seeping from their pores. 

"Castiel, hey." Sam said smoothly, shaking his hand. 

"Jessica, still just as beautiful." Cas said as he shook her hand, watching her cheeks slowly flush. 

"It's good to see you guys, please come in." Castiel said, motioning inside. 

Sam looked around, searching for his brother. 

"Dean just ran out to grab a picnic blanket, but he should be back any second." Cas said with a calm smile.

"Please, sit. Can I grab you two something to drink? You've gotta be tried from the drive." Cas asked.

"Water's just fine. Thank you, Castiel." Jessica drew out lightly .

"Same. Thanks, man." Sam finished, putting his arm around Jessica, pulling her against him. 

Cas filled up two glasses with ice and water and handed them to the couple, sitting in the loveseat across from them. 

"You know, you sound just like him." Cas said, beginning to blush a bit.

"Yeah we get that a lot. So, how is he?" Sam asked as he gulped down some water. 

"Dean? Dean's good." Cas' heart skipped.

"He happy?" Sam muttered after a long pause.

Cas smiled. He was. He is. 

"Yes, very much so. As am I."

"Well, how couldn't you be in such a beautiful city! I bet you're in heaven, bein' a musician an' all." Jessica said, her eyes gleaming. 

"You're right.  It's….It's a dream. I can't say I'd be too happy without Dean helping me out, though." Cas said as he rubbed the back of his neck, nervously.

"He's a good man. Best I've ever known." Sam said with pride.

"You're not too bad yourself, kid." Dean said from the doorway. 

He put his bag down and pulled his brother into a tight  hug, showing off his huge smile. Dean then walked over to Jessica and hugged her lightly.

"Very good to see you, beautiful." Dean said to her softly.

Cas watched as the two brothers broke off into old stories, not wanting a moment to be wasted. Meanwhile, Cas talked to Jessica, learning she had grown up in the same trailer park as Sam and Dean, but didn't meet Sam until junior year.

For a moment, as Cas glanced around at the laughter and happiness, he felt like he was home, surrounded by family. Cas hoped that one day Dean would be his family. 

 

*

 

Cas and Dean sat behind Sam and Jessica on the blanket, the four of them drunkedly waiting for the music and fireworks to start. They were at Meadow Park just outside town, a tourist attraction mostly, but also just enough redneck townies for them all to feel at home. Dean and Cas' hands were dangerously close, scooting together more and more by the minute. 

The loud speakers crackled and the National Anthem started, the two Winchester's immediately standing up. Sam took off his baseball cap and held it over his heart, Dean doing the same with his cowboy hat. Proud To Be An American boomed next, Dean put his arm around Sam's shoulder and he did the same to him as they yelled out the memorized lyrics obnoxiously. Jessica sang as well, grabbing Cas' hand and giving it a quick squeeze before letting go. Cas liked Jessica. She was sweet, intelligent, and perfect for Sam. 

They all sat down once the fireworks started, Jessica leaning her head against Sam's shoulder. Dean and Cas' hands were interlocked as Dean hummed with more pride in his eyes than Cas had ever seen. When the big American flag firework exploded in the sky, Dean grabbed Cas' face and pressed his lips to his own. He tasted like strawberry popsicles and summer. After Dean pulled away he whispered,

"I love you" which Cas happily said back, sure that his blush was visible in the night sky. 

Sam and Jessica glanced over, Sam smiling proudly at his brother. Cas assumed Sam knew his brother was gay, but it still surprised him how okay with it he seemed.

 

Cas should have been looking at the fireworks, but he decided that tracing over Dean's hand was more important.

"Yes!" Cas and Dean heard Jessica squeal from a couple feet in front of the blanket, not even noticing they were there. 

Jessica jumped into Sam's arms and he spun her around, kissing her. 

Dean's eyes got wide and he scrambled up. 

"Oh. Oh my god!" Dean yelled. 

He ran over to his brother and grabbed him as he put Jessica down, picking him up into a hug.

Cas quickly went over to Jessica to ask what was going on, but as he did he saw it : a ring on her finger reflecting ever so slightly in the moonlight. 

"Congratulations!' Cas said happily, squeezing both of her hands in his. 

She smiled, tears flowing from her eyes. She looked over at Dean and then back to Cas.

"You too."

 

*

 

It was the middle of the night, Sam and Jess were in the guest room (originally Dean's), Dean was sprawled out on the bed, and Cas was on the phone. 

"Don't lie to me, Chuck…" Cas whispered.

"Yeah? Oh my god, okay, yeah! I'll see you tomorrow!" Cas squealed as he hung up the phone, doing a happy dance in the kitchen.

"Cas?" Dean said from the doorway, rubbing a hand down his face. 

"Who was that?" He asked sheepishly.

Cas had almost forgotten. 

"Dean..that was Chuck. He said that I was offered a record deal." Cas said to the floor.

"No." Dean said, and before Cas knew it Dean was squeezing him tightly.

"I'm so proud of you." He whispered into Cas' ears.

"Dean... It's in Los Angeles. For two months.

 


	6. But, He Needed The Money

_"Obsession is the single most wasted human activity, because with an obsession you keep coming back and back to the same question and never get an answer."_

_-Norman Mailer_

 

Week One

 

Cas left on the sixth of July. Dean stayed in Nashville, as they didn't have enough money to both go to Los Angeles, and Cas would be working the whole time. They said their "I love you's" , gave their kisses, and then Dean waved him goodbye in his rearview mirror as he drove away. Cas had left money for Dean to get food and whatever else he needed, but it had been four days, and Dean refused to touch it. He ate everything in the fridge and the cupboards first, the same sad expression etched into his stone cold face. 

 

Tonight Dean was at the bar, spending the last of his money he had saved up. The bartender began to blur, and the music all faded together after his fourth whiskey. Tears formed in the sides of his eyes, he couldn't tell if they spilt or not in his own drunken haze. He eyed his drink and slid his glass foreword, shaking his head when the brunette behind the bar asked if he wanted another. 

"No thanks, sweetheart. I'm all out of cash." Dean said, leaning his elbows on the bar.

"Yeah, that or you forgot how to hold your liquor." Peeped a familiar voice beside him.

Dean must have been completely wasted. He must have been hallucinating, or someone must have put something in his drink, because there was no way Lisa Braeden was sitting next to him.

"Lisa!" Dean breathed out excitedly, pulling her into a hug. 

She squeezed him tight, laughing as she pulled away.

"Can I grab a beer?" She asked the bartender after settling on her stool.

"I didn't reckon I would ever see your face again." Lisa said, her beauty even more prominent with age.

"Right back at ya." Dean half-whispered, rubbing a hand down his face.

"So what are you doing down here ?" Dean asked, filling the silence quickly.

"I live down here actually with my boyfriend, Adam." She said, thanking the bartender for her beer.

Dean nodded, wondering how sad he looked.

"You know what? Why don't you come see my place and meet Adam? I know we haven't seen each other in what is it now, four years? But it's only eight, we could still grab dinner and catch up." Lisa said, raising her eyebrows.

Dean looked at his empty wallet and mouthed a sentence, but Lisa cut him off.

"My treat." She blurted.

Dean smiled and sighed.

"I would love to catch up, Lisa."

 

*

 

Dean and Lisa walked down Credenza street three blocks until they reached Lisa's apartment, taking the elevator to the third floor. Dean and Lisa walked in room 803, Lisa setting her keys down on the table next to the door as she walked in.

"Adam? I'm home!'

"Lisa, who's with you?" A voice echoed from what Dean assumed was the kitchen. 

"Adam, this is Dean. We were…friends back in high school." Lisa answered slowly.

Dean outstretched his hand to shake Adam's skinny one, noticing his eyes were very bloodshot.

"It's a pleasure." Dean said with a smile, scanning over Adam curiously.

"I thought we would go to dinner. Dean just recently moved out here, and I wanted to show him my favorite restaurant. Would you like to come?"Lisa chirped.

"Yeah, sure." Adam said, dully as he walked down the hallway.

Dean ran his hands through his hair as Lisa motioned for him to sit on their puke green couch. 

"Actually, may I use your restroom?"

"Surely, Dean. Down the hall, and it's the first one on the left." Lisa said with a smile that reminded Dean of a certain summer.

 

As Dean approached the bathroom, Adam walked out, wiping his nose and coughing. 

"My bad." Dean mumbled as they ran into each other, wide-eyed. He entered the bathroom to wash his hands, looking around for soap. And then he saw it :the white residue left on top of the sink in a white powdered line. 

"Shit.." Dean muttered to himself. 

He quickly walked down the hallway, trying to catch Lisa before she walked out the door.

"Lisa, there's something I need to-" Dean started

"Dean. Let's not make a fool of ourselves, now." Adam countered quickly, suddenly behind them.

Lisa exchanged a look of concern between the two of them.

 

*

 

 

The three walked along the sidewalk, lit dully by the streetlamp. 

"Here it is! The best little pizza place in Nashville." Lisa squealed with excitement.

Dean walked to hold open the door for them, blushing slightly at the sight of Lisa's smile. Adam fidgeted, frowning.

"Uh-Lisa why don't you grab a table for us while I smoke a cigarette . Dean, up for some conversation?" Adam drawled out suspiciously .

"Yeah, sure." He replied, smiling at Lisa.

 

Adam began walking the opposite way, signaling Dean to follow behind . 

Dean caught up to Adam, who lit a cigarette, taking in some smoke before looking over at Dean.

 

"I was hoping you could do me a favor." Adam said, calmly.

"You see, I travel a lot-I'm not really in Nash a ton is what I mean. I run a little 'side buisness'." Adam said, putting air quotes around 'side buisness'.

 

"But, you see, it's just not getting done. I was wondering if you could help me out." He finished.

 

Dean swallowed hard, already knowing the task.

 

"Look, man, I'm really not into the whole thing."

"Have you ever even  _done_  it?"

"What? Coke?" Dean said with a laugh.

"Hell no. Like I said ...it's just not my thing."

 

Adam pulled them both into an alley, taking something out of his pocket as he did so.

 

"It's good money, man."

Dean looked at him then.

_He needed the money._

But, not like this. 

 

"Look, just try it. If you're still freaked after then I'll back off." Adam said, grabbing Dean's palm and pouring white powder onto it. 

 

Dean thought of Cas. He knew he would be disappointed, but he wasn't  _here._ He thought of Sam. How his little brother would look at him when he found out about this. But before he knew it, it was in his nose, in his brain, his eyes forcing close as his head spun.

 

*

 

Week six

 

Cas was coming home in two weeks, and Dean would have fresh groceries and a check to pay him back with when he did. Today he would deal to one of his usual guys who was just picking up their fix for the next couple days . Dean sighed, knowing Cas would notice his change in appearance upon returning .

 

Sam had called once, twice, maybe 6 times this week. Dean hadn't even looked at the phone. He's sure Cas has called too, but he couldn't face either of them. Not now. He had been selling for Adam every night near the alleys downtown, making good money.

It was all for Cas . It might be wrong, but,

_It's all for Cas_

Andthat's how he got through. That one thing was what he repeated relentlessly in his head all day long, convincing himself that the illegal deed he was committing was for a good cause. He avoided the mirror like the plague , knowing that even in a month of this habit he looked like a different person . 

 

Dean hated himself for doing this, and he hated what it was doing to him. But, after the first night, he couldn't help it. Nothing in this world could compel him to quit. It was all too easy, since he had it right there.

It was obvious: Dean was obsessed.

 

On his way out the apartment door he tripped over his own feet, his thin body falling with ease to the floor. Dean notices he can feel his bones move around in his shrunken skin. He can  _feel_ himselfdeteriorating. 

 

*

 

He got to the same alley he went on his first night, which has become his usual spot these past few weeks. He waited until he heard footsteps behind him, running. Dean turned quickly to see two men charging him. Before Dean could react he was pushed to the ground, and felt his stomach rip. The men took everything from his pockets, including some of the money he made that was in his wallet. Before leaving, the taller man shoved his foot down on Deans head. 

 

*

 

Dean woke up to the sunrise. He rolled over, gaining his bearings. He sat up on the hot pavement, his head spinning. He tastes blood in his mouth as he attempted to stand, falling against the side of the alley. 

 

Everything was blurry, everything ached.

 

After a couple minutes, Dean finally got the will to take a step foreword, stumbling every couple of steps. 

_'Just a few more'_

 

He told himself over and over until he reached the apartment. Dean let out a sigh of relief as the key turned, unlocking the door. Dean closed it behind him, dropping the keys before he could hang them up. His vision tunneled until he couldn't see anything but darkness. 

It was happening. It was happening, and he couldn't stop it. His injuries were catching up with him, and so were the drugs. 

 

Dean collapsed in the hallway leading to his bathroom, his eyes closing slowly. This was all his fault . 

_I'm gonna die_

_And no one will find me._

_Cas doesn't get back for two more weeks.._

He thought to himself as tears began rolling out of his eyes.

He was bleeding from his head and his side quickly, and he couldn't stop it.

 

Dean thought of Sam when he was young. He thought of the time he broke his ankle trying to ride on the pegs of Deans bike. He thought about when he saved up all his money to buy him the first Lord Of The Rings book on Christmas Day, and how much he smiled when he opened it. He thought of how he was going to Tech, and still remembers how he strode around the trailer park in maroon and orange when he was just ten years old. 

 

He thought of Cas . How mad he would be at Dean . He thought of their wonderful world together , and wished with all his mite that he could have just a little bit longer with him. He thought of the pie Cas made in home ec when they were in high school together. Dean heard himself moan through sobs, thinking of Lynyrd Skynyrd and the wind blowing through Cas' beautiful hair. 

Then he drifted. 


End file.
